After redacting his medical records, Ann Perkins tried to get Ron Swanson to answer some basic questions about his medical history.

Ann Perkins:

“Ron, you redacted all the information.”

Ron Swanson:

“I answered some of them.”

Ann Perkins:

“For date of birth, you wrote spring time.”

Ron Swanson:

“Which is true.”

Ann Perkins:

“Everything you write down is confidential. We need you to give real answers.”

Ron Swanson:

“Fine.”

Ann Perkins:

“How many drinks of alcohol do you consume a week?”

Ron Swanson:

“One.”

Ann Perkins:

“That’s it. One drink.”

Ron Swanson:

“One shelf.”

Ann Perkins:

“Do you exercise?”

Ron Swanson:

“Yes. Lovemaking and woodworking.”

Ann Perkins:

“Do you have any history of mental illness in your family?”

Ron Swanson:

“I have an uncle who does yoga.”

Ann Perkins:

“Allergies?”

Ron Swanson:

“Cowardice and weak willed men. And Hazel nuts.”

Ann Perkins:

“Sexual history?”

Ron Swanson:

“Epic and private.”

Ann Perkins:

“OK, I’m gonna get your doctor. He’s a rude, brash jerk. You’ll love him.”