Ron’s second caller of the day.
“Hi, my Yorkshire Terrier has chewed up the legs on my kitchen table. Is there a cheap way to repair that?”
“Great question. Take a walnut and rub it into the legs of your table, that’ll mask the scratches. Next thing you wanna do is ditch the terrier and get yourself a proper dog. Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are pointless. Come to the gala. Next caller.”