Ron Swanson is getting desperate, and finally breaks down to hire an assistant.

Ron Swanson:

“More important than that, and more important than anything, in this God forsaken world, is finding me an assistant.”

Tom Haverford:

“You get an assistant now?”

Ron Swanson:

“Yeah, I’ve always been able to have one, but I’ve turned it down cause it’s a waste of money.”

(Speaking directly into the camera)

Ron Swanson:

“In the eight years I’ve been at the job, I’ve saved the taxpayers of this city more than a hundred fifty grand.”

“But now, I need the taxpayers money, to save me from the taxpayers.”